OTI Member Stories: Julie (aka The Sober Cider Drinker)

First of all, I’ll introduce myself. I’m Julie, I'm 52, married with two children, I love exercise and I don’t drink alcohol. If you are at all interested to know how my life has changed since I removed booze from it, please read on.

I have chosen to cut alcohol from my life. Now usually at this point, when I am writing about my life without alcohol, I type the following...

“I will never say never, because (hopefully) that’s a very long time! I'll just say I'm not drinking for now, and that will do!”

However over the last few weeks something has changed. I can say now that in order to truly release myself from the grasp of booze, I won’t ever drink again. Why do I write this instead of my previous statement? Well, if alcohol still has some sort of pull or want from me, then I am not truly over it. Therefore, I have made the decision to not slide down a booze filled slope and into a vat of cider ever again. That is a massive step forward!

I didn’t have a “rock bottom” moment that made me come to the decision to ditch alcohol, I came to the realisation that it wasn’t doing me any favours, and that those I hold dear would be better off if I stopped. A few years ago, I went to the doctors suffering from horrendous panic attacks and depression. I remember filling in the “let's see how depressed you are” chart and wishing with every ounce of my being that the doctor would tell me to quit alcohol. He didn’t. So, I started the anti-depressants and carried on exactly the same as before (I didn’t last long on the anti-depressants as they weren’t for me, so I slowly came off them and managed the depression myself).

I drank pints of cider and loved every single one I had, but my hangovers started to last for days. After a night out, or even after just a couple of pints, I would wake at 3am, exactly, in the midst of a panic attack, my heart would be hammering, I would be sweating and I'd be on edge. I could not get back to sleep and this would last for a few days.

My weekend drinking consisted of Friday and Saturday evening, then I would include the odd Sunday afternoon too which soon became my absolute favourite, sometimes even missing work on a Monday because I felt so ill. Then I included a Thursday night into my drinking schedule as my daughter was at her Dad's, and sometimes even a Wednesday too. These weren’t full on sessions, only a few pints... But they made the depression and panic attacks worse. I was bloated, my skin was dull, and I was terribly sad... With nothing to be sad about! I had a happy marriage, healthy children and a decent job.

One Sunday afternoon I went out and met some friends, it was a brilliant afternoon, but I woke up on Monday morning and knew that I had to make some changes. I wasn’t always nice when I was drunk either, I could be argumentative, confrontational and an all-round pain in the arse. I didn’t remember the night past about 5pm, which is scary. I didn’t remember getting home, or what time I got home. I looked through my phone pics and didn’t remember taking most of them... Cringe!!! I was full of self -loathing and dreaded reading the texts I had sent the day before. It was time for a change.

In June 2020, after hosting a BBQ for a couple of friends, I woke up the next day with the worst hangover I had ever had and decided enough was enough. So, I threw the leftover booze away and re-started an old Instagram account - @the_sober_cider_drinker - and I’ve not had a drink since. I write a post every day, I never plan them, but something always seems to come to mind. I have had a few followers contact me and ask for my help and advice with quitting drinking, which I love to do, and I have supported them along the way.

So, what has actually changed for me? Have I noticed any differences within myself and my life since I quit? Hell yes!!!

Firstly, the anxiety, panic attacks and depression have gone completely, and I know this is solely down to stopping drinking. I wake up early now, naturally, with a sense of joy at what the day will bring rather than a sense of dread. I have thrown myself wholly into the sober life, I have read almost every quit lit book ever written, I interact daily with my sober gang, I listen to podcasts about not drinking...

Instead of being full of self -loathing I now feel peaceful. I used to think I was confident and outgoing, but I know now that it was always a fake confidence fuelled by booze, and that actually, naturally, I am an introvert. I have found an inner confidence which has led me into study. I am training to be a diet and nutrition coach which would never have happened whilst I was drinking. I have taken up new hobbies like painting, I’ve even been asked to do some paintings for a couple of people. I have taken up paddle boarding, which is by far, my favourite new hobby! I booked myself and a friend a three hour lesson, I was terrified as I don’t like deep dark water and I said right from the start that I would just pootle around the edge of the lake whilst everyone else went to the middle... That didn’t happen, I loved it so much I couldn’t wait to get to the deep water! I’ve now bought my own paddle board and try to get out on it as often as possible.

I have made some fabulous, new, booze free friends, which I really needed as not everyone “gets it”. Yes, I’ve lost a couple of friends along the way which is sad, but I want friends to accept me as I am. If they don’t like me or my life choices, fine, off you pop!

I am happier than I have ever been. My outlook on life is totally different now. Instead of looking at everything from a negative perspective, I try to find the joy in situations and if a moment presents itself that looks bleak, I try to spin it and find the joy in it. That’s not all due to quitting booze but it has a knock-on effect with a lot of things.

I asked my daughter if she thought I was different without booze and her instant reply was “Yes Mum, you’re less of a bitch!” What a bloody great compliment that was from a 16 year old!

I have had a couple of nights out sober (when COVID has allowed) and I’m happy to be the designated driver, there are more and more alcohol-free choices out there when it comes to drinks and I’ve found a luscious AF cider which really hits the spot if the want for booze creeps in. People try and persuade you to “just have one”, which is really fecking annoying to be honest, but after they’ve had about three or four drinks they forget you’re not drinking so leave you alone. I am usually ready for home a little earlier than I was in my boozing days, as when I drank, I always prided myself in being first there and last to leave... I now leave when I start hearing the same story for the third time!

My appearance has also changed... My skin has a healthy glow, I am no longer bloated in the face or waist (that’s just middle-aged spread now), my hair is thicker and shinier.

So, in answer, yes, I am happier without alcohol in my life.

If you’ve got to the end of this without falling asleep, thank you very much for reading. A big thank you to Sharon for inviting me to write this. I contemplated saying no, but think the more people who talk about life without booze openly like this, the sooner it will start to be seen as more acceptable in everyday society.